Journal from the past two weeks

Okay, so for the past two weeks I have been really lazy with internet, and since blogger is really slow on my computer for some reason, I have just been journaling on my laptop and planning on posting all at once. And for the past week, my internet actually died, so now it’s fixed, and here are my ramblings for the past two weeks…

July 23, 2007 – Some changes are needed…

I went to the Beijing train station today to pick up one of my friends from Nanjing, who’s visiting me here in Beijing. It was just a good feeling going to a train station and knowing your way around the subway, like which stop to get off and which way to go for a transfer, because it felt like I know Beijing pretty well. Okay, maybe not pretty well, but well enough that I felt I am comfortable in the city by myself.

However, after thinking about how much I really know Beijing for a while on my way to pick up my friend, I realized I actually don’t know Beijing at all. Okay, I have been to Tian An Men Square and Summer Palace, visited a chaguan (or Beijing tea house), seen Beijing Opera, and shopped at various swap meet type of stores (very popular in Beijing and everywhere else in China). The few times I have been out with friends were to places for American/international students where the menus are all in English and things like sandwiches and whatnot are top choices. I realized that I really have not explored Beijing in the way I would like to see a foreign city. The only time I felt like I really connected with Beijing on a personal/explorative level was when I went to one of the Hutong with one of my interviewees for the field study project. He and I walked around the Hutongs for a couple of hours, looking at different constructions, talking to the residents sitting outside, walking inside people’s houses/yards (with their permission, of course) to get a feel of what is it like to live in a Hutong. That is how I connect with a city, not through it’s glamorous hangouts but very common yet essential places. So now I am taking the map that HBA has provided us with in the beginning of year, and I will planning a “Quing’s exploration of Beijing,” which will include lots of museums and quaint places that can best represent the modern Beijing.

July 26, 2007 – Exciting Arobatics and its dark side

Last Saturday, we went to see ZhaJi, which is Chinese arobatics, and my goodness, it was one of the most amazing things I have seen in China so far. There were people flipping through hops that are like two stories high, going up and down a staircase with one hand and feet up in the air, and circling plates on really long and thin sticks. I was clapping the whole time along with all the HBA students. My favorite performer was this little boy around the age of 8 or 9, and he was jumping up and down on a teeter-totter and doing flips on the air. I thought he was very skilled and brave, and he was born to be a performer. But at the same time, it made me to look at him performing because what he is doing is such a dangerous activity, yet he does it with such easy. I can only image the vigorous training that goes on backstage and all the pain that he must have gone through to achieve the level of professionalism that he has displayed on stage today. He might look like a child but the way he composes himself even excels that of a grown up. I do not know why his parents allowed him to be an acrobat performer at such a young age, maybe it’s something of their control. But I know that if I were his mother and saw this performer, I would blame myself for being such an incapable mother.

The front...


Lions in hoops!

Okay, this was absolutely amazing in terms of the level of difficulty, who would have thought a teeter-totter would have been so dangerously exciting?


14 or so people on three bikes connected by the riders' arms - I have no idea how that even works...

July 29, 2007 – What makes China the way it is today?

Today on my way home from Tiantan, I had a really interesting chat with the taxi driver. He’s an old Beijinger and knows a lot about various restaurants and good places to go in Beijing, and he’s very opinionated about various things we talked about. Sometimes during the first five minutes of the ride, the conversation shifted to the current condition of the Chinese population and the spirit of the Chinese people. Mentioning that he heard on the radio the Chinese chairman announced that the GDP of the Chinese population has gone to some ridiculously number that I don’t remember, the driver criticized the government for pulling a blind over Chinese people’s eyes. Gradually, the conversation or rather, at this point it was simply a rant, about how weak the Chinese people are, mentally and spiritually. Unlike the Western people, he claimed, the Chinese do not know how to resist and rebel. Trying to explain his view better, the driver compared the rights and benefits that a government is supposed to provide for its people to a bowl of rice and a plate of vegetables. He said that if the government only gives its people a bowl of rice, the Chinese population will take it. Something is better than nothing, that’s their mentality. On the other hand, he continues, a Western civilization will refuse to eat that bowl of rice and instead, demand their full rights. They will rather starve than swallow their pride along with that bowl of rice. That is the spirit that the Chinese population lacks.

“But why is that? Why are we this way?” I asked him. I know it was unfair to ask a question like that because the answer involves not only a cultural understanding of the Chinese traditional way of thinking but also psychological and other aspects as well, and not to my surprise, he was unable to utter a satisfactory response. He blame this problem on Confucianism, and how this school of thought cultivates a society of weaklings. I did not really understand what he meant and he could really explain it, but from I have learned about Confucianism, I know that it is a school of thought that emphasizes “liyi” or your mannerism/social faux/academic grace. It is not that way of thinking that promotes you to go against what is set as tradition, and maybe that was the taxi driver was talking about. Anyways, this is just some random ramblings, I can expand on this more later after I have read some books about Confucianism.

August 4, 2007 – Oh, and how they judge!

As I walking with one of my HBA friends to Lush around noon for the long craved American style breakfast, including bacon (humm….) and pancakes with syrup (oh my goodness was that good), we talked about our adopted Chinese families and our language partners. I mentioned that my Chinese family never contacted me or my sib for weekend outings like they were supposed to nor is my language partner really interested in helping me practice Chinese, and I was wondering how does another student in our class get to have such good language partner and Chinese family. My friend simply replied, “that’s because he’s white.” Now, under normal circumstances, that would have been a racial slur, but in China, it’s not and it’s actually very, very true.

Before coming to HBA, my parents have prepared me for some mental shock in China. Besides the regular that Chinese people might spit randomly on the street or push you in public transportation, they also mentioned that I might feel discriminated against in China. I did not really understand back then, what did they mean I was going to be discriminated against by my own people? But after living in Beijing for the last two months, I understood what my parents meant by discrimination. It’s a new kind of racial discrimination. People here don’t treat me badly because I am different from them (well, that’s because I am not…), and they don’t treat me with extra care because I am one of them (because even though I am, there is nothing special about that). Rather, people here make me feel discriminated against because how they treat “laowai” or people with blonde/red hair and blue/green/anything but not dark brown eyes. Many people here, whether it’s small business owners or just regular citizens, often see them as someone of importance. Maybe this is because it’s interesting to interact with someone of a different culture in such a homogenous country, or maybe it’s because some Chinese people have the impression that all foreign travelers are rich, or maybe it’s because some Chinese feel that the Western culture is somehow more elegant than the Chinese tradition, and that is elevates themselves to speak/interact with someone who’s foreign. In tourist spots, my friends and I often see bunch of European travelers being surrounded by a few Chinese who are asking for pictures. In tea houses or other performing places, it’s always the audience with the blonde hair who gets picked to participate in an on-stage act. One of my friends at HBA (who’s an ABC) told that when she went to a bar with her friend (who’s white), bunch of Chinese college students only talked to her friend enthusiastically but ignored her the entire night. A lot of Chinese American have realized that here in China, they are not held on the same platter as their “true-American” counterparts, and it’s this awareness that have provided me with some new grounds to think about my racial identity.

In the States, I have regarded myself as Chinese because I was born in Chinese and my family environment has always been Chinese. Getting into Yale and interacting with other Chinese Americans on campus, I have slowly come to see myself as Chinese American, and this summer in Beijing reaffirmed this point of view. Even though I look like and speak like a Chinese person (okay, maybe the speaking part is a bit stretching it because many people here tell me I actually do not speak standard Chinese but have a Taiwanese accent), I do not think like a pure Chinese person. There are many western influence in my way of thinking and in my way of acting, I cannot see myself with the same background as another Chinese person who’s grown up in China. There is a lot more I can type on this issue, but I feel it might be too personal, nevertheless, I am happy that I was able to in an environment where I am not the racial minority and explore more my cultural identity.

HBA Field Study Week

So for the past few days of this week, I have not been stuck in my room memorizing Chinese or in class because it's field study week!! three cheers for that!

Anyways, for my field study topic, I chose to focus on the education system in China, because 1) I am interested in education in general, esp. that of the high school and college and 2) I think it would be interesting to compare the education system of the States and China. So far I have interviewed two high school graduates who had just taken GaoKao, which is Chinese version of the SAT, except it's much harder and meaningful. This is a test that you take when you are a senior in high school and it's takes place in the middle of June for three days. It's an extremely rigorous process in that it kind of determines what your life is going to be, and you only have one chance per year to take it. Students in China start to prepare for GaoKao starting in elementary school since from the day they entered school all their parents and teachers start to drill in their heads about the importance of GaoKao and how much does their score on GaoKao matter for their chance of getting in a good college, which translates into a good job, which then determines a good life. And this is true to some extent as there is no college application process as we know it in the States, in China, the determinant factor for whether a college will accept you or not is your GaoKao score. Different schools have different score requirement, so for example, QingHua or Beida, which are like the Harvard and Yale of China, obviously will have really high score requirement. But anyways, to show how important GaoKao is to the Chinese population, when I was in Beijing during the time of GaoKao, one of the taxi I took had to go around some streets because GaoKao was taking place at that location, and the government has this regulation that there cannot be cars near the place of GaoKao to provide the best testing environment for students. And taxi drivers have to take students to their testing places anytime during the time of GaoKao as long those students have a testing ticket, ensuring that all students will have the transportation tool to get to the place of GaoKao. There are these red banners encouraging students to study hard and perform well, and of course, there are these count down things that are along the lines of counting down for the Olympics. The two students I interviewed viewed GaoKao as something not the most ideal college application tool but a necessary one. Their views are shared by many of the college students and professors/teachers I have interviewed.

Independence Day..or not....

So July 4th was Independence Day, and our teacher announced that in light of the national holiday, we would not have homework on Wednesday night. Well, that sounded really good and we all cheered in Chinese, but it actually did not work out that way. So instead of the writing an essay on Wed. night, we had to do it Tues. night, and of course, none of us wrote an essay on Tues. night and waited until Wed. night to write it. So there goes our holiday relaxation time. And even though we did not have homework, we still had a quiz the next day, which means we still had to preview the chapters and memorize all the vocabularies - what a bummer!

Beijing Opera

So last Sat. night, HBA organized a trip to see the famous Beijing Opera. I was really excited because I have only heard my grandma sing some random parts of Beijing Opera to me when I was little and heard some those old radio channels. After a 30 minute bus ride, we arrived at Beijing Opera Theater (or something similar to that name) and I was immediately struck by the grander of the place. It was nothing like an old Beijing Opera house - it was gigantic, magnificently light with chandeliers hanging down from the high ceiling, and decorated with various posters, draperies, and other symbols of the opera tradition. Our seats were close to the center of the room, so we got a really nice view. There were these really fancy, traditionally designed Chinese tables surrounded by 6 or 7 matching armchairs. In the center of the tables, there were plates of fresh peaches (something very Chinese...I think...like it's a fruit of luxury...I am not sure...), these sesame/peanut/I don't know what they are candies and snacks. There were also teacups with a bit of tealeaves on the bottom, and this is the most exciting part of this whole opera experience (and I am sure many HBA students would agree with me...) - there were these guys who would carry a tin teapot with a really, really, really long spout (it was like 2/3 of my height!) and they would use those teapots to pour water for your tea. Like that was not hard enough - they would actually perform some hongfu-ish looking tricks and then pour your tea. For example, they can flip the teapot up in the air, twist it around a few times around their waist and arms, make it go in all directions, doing all these tricks with grace, agility,speed, and professionalism, and at the same time, not dropping one single drop of water on the ground!!!

After we "wooed" and "ahhed" over these tea, the curtain opened and the opera began. There was an ensemble of traditional Chinese instrument in the background, and a women dressed in a colorful, sparkling custom entered the stage. She sang in a really, really, really high voice, and thank goodness there were these screens with the lyrics and English translations, or else I would never have understood a single world she had sung. I was actually a bit disappointed in her performance because I remember the Beijing operas that I have heard when I was little were much better, but I guess that's because it was a long time ago and more talented people were interested in working in such an old job field (and also maybe the mic was too loud...). But either way, it was really cool.

The first act was followed by a more exciting performance because this time where was wushu or hongfu involved. I think the story was about a goddess falling in love with a mortal and the divine army got really mad and started a war or something like that. But there were many more characters this time with faster beat in the background. All these actors are flipping in the air and doing all types of trick with their fake weapons. There were also some funny parts with a person acting as a turtle (also part of the divine army...I think the goddess was from the sea or something..) and he was horsing around stage and could not flip himself over on his back (or shell). After this act was over, it was also time for us to leave.

(Oh, forgot to mention this, but there was an opportunity for us to go backstage (such VIP treatment!) and watch those actors put on stage makeup. It was really scary how much makeup they have to put on, and it reminded me of those 18th-century (or was it 17th?) French operas (the funny ones). One of the actors told me that there are lots of lead in the makeup they use, so they have to put on a layer of protective cream to clog up their pores before applying any stage makeup. Or else, the lead would seep through the pores and go into their body system, which will not be a good thing at all!)


Our delicious tea snacks....I felt very cultured...


Backstage observing the actors applying makeups and such..


And she sang beautifully...

June 22-23

So I could not get the internet to work in my dorm yesterday, so here are two updates:

Friday, June 22
Our first HBA test! We have a cumulative test every Friday for like more than 3 hours with 2 hours for written and 1 and half for oral. It was actually pretty okay. I thought it was going to be this super hard exam, but it was manageable.

On Friday night, we met our Chinese host family. I was actually more nervous than I was expecting to be. I think I was nervous simply because of the fact I am Chinese - I feel that there is a greater amount of pressure on me to behave in a certain way. I was afraid that my host family might not think I am American enough or Chinese enough, so I was extremely nervous about meeting them. Like the exam, it actually turned out pretty okay too. Both of my "parents" are professors and they have a daughter in 11th grade. They are both very nice and understanding of our busy schedule, and they offered to take us to lunch when we have no planned activities. I keep on saying "us" because another girl and I share the same host family, and she's a third year student. We also visited their house/apartment, which was really cool because our host family lives on the top floor, which is the 18th. I have never lived that high before so I thought it was really fantastic. When we met her daughter, she was preparing for her hui kao, which is kind of like PSAT, but it's not to prepare you for the SAT, rather, it simply exempts you from certain subjects. It works this way because Chinese high school students must decide whether they want to major in social studies/language arts or science/math. For the Chinese PSAT, you take tests on subjects that are not of your major interest during 11th grade. Then when you reach 12th grade, you can focus on the subjects you are interested in and of which you will be taking on the SAT (or gao kao) so you can score better. It was really interesting to learn about the high school system in China from an actual Chinese student.

Sat. June 23
We climbed the Great Wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We went Simatai, a section of the Great Wall of China, and boy, was it steep! I could swear that I was tired already after only 5 minutes! What's interesting about our trip was that we met a lot of Chinese peasants who are eager to get us to buy things like fans or souvenirs from them. What's more interesting (and discriminating) is that they only talked to those with blonde hair/blue eyes/any attributes that look foreign. They never approached any of us who look/are Chinese. One of my friends at HBA felt a bit insulted because she's foreign too, and the fact she is Chinese does not change the fact that she grew up in America and speaks English perfectly. While it's nice to not have people bug you to buy their products, it was a bit annoying how discriminating people are.


The Yalies!

Rachel Mak!

How beautiful...

HBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HBA officially started on the 17th of June, 2007....................

(But on June 15th, I moved into my dorm. I was expecting something really shabby and crowded, but we actually got to stay in a hotel within the university. It was really nice to have my own room with an attached bathroom (with an actual toilet that's not a hole on the ground!) and AC - I did not have AC in my grandparents' home and boy, was that miserable! - and a TV and a fridge for ice cream. Overall, I am pretty satisfied with my dorm except the shower thing is kind of weird and now my bathroom is flooded every time I shower. Apparently that's way it is in this hotel so oh well....)

June 17:
8AM - placement test - oh dear, we had to write an essay, need I say more?
2PM - orientation - We had an orientation welcoming us to Beijing University of Language and Arts, or BULC, and signed the language pledge. The language pledge basically means you cannot speak English unless you are talking to your parents or if you are about to die....
4PM - meeting - we met our teachers and our language partners. I am in 5th year, and my teacher is a really young professor from Harvard who loves to joke around and slip papers (announcements) under your room door. My language partner is a really friendly Chinese girls who's majoring in teaching Chinese. I will meet her this Sunday to practice for two hours!
9PM to 1AM - HOMEWORK! Oh dear, we have soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much homework everyday. I have never had so much in my entire life. Every night, on top of homework, we have to review next day's lesson and memorize all the vocab (over 50 or so per night) and the next day, we will have dictation test. Every Wed. we must write an essay on top of previewing and doing homework, which must be 600 words and turned on Thurs. Every Friday, we have a three hour test with 2 hours of written and an hour of oral. I am speechless......

June 18 - First Day of Class !!!

8AM to 10AM - lecture class with the eight other kids in 5th year. We went over the academic article we read last night and all the vocab words. It was really hard because it's not normal Chinese, it's extremely formal Chinese with lots of good sounding terms but I have no idea what they mean....
10AM to 12AM - seminars with 4 kids total in my class. We worked on those good sounding terms and they are beginning to make sense.
LUNCH! - we went to cafeteria #2 inside the university, and for 5.5 yuan (less than a dollar) I got a plate of vegetables and meat and a bowl of rice. It actually tasted really good and it was extremely cheap.
2:20 PM to 3:10PM - one-on-one oral practice with my seminar leader. It's basically her asking questions and me answering (or attempting to) .
3:30 - 5:00 - Erhu lesson! I signed up to take Erhu lessons; Erhu is like a Chinese violin or cello with only two strings. It's a really pretty instrument but boy, was it hard! But I am going to continue it because I think it's really fun!

Then I did homework for the rest of the night.......(sigh)

June 19 - I am already really tired...
Basically the same thing as the 18th, except for I was sleep deprived as we had so much homework. I also took a Wushu class (Chinese KongFu), and it was really fun as well. We will learn around 20 WuShu methods, and I am excited about it!

Then I did homework for the rest of the night.....................(sigh...sigh....sigh....)

June 20 - I am kind of dying....
Basically the same thing, but in the afternoon we has a scholar who's one of the few people who study the Great Wall as a career and he gave us an amazing introduction of the history of the Great Wall and description of the section of the Wall that we will visit this Saturday.

Then I did homework for the rest of the night......(sigh) and then wrote an essay.....(tears....) until 1AM. I then woke up at 4AM to preview the lesson and memorize vocabs.....





So anyways, I do not give you the wrong impression that HBA is all hard work and no fun or that I am not enjoying myself. In fact, I really like the articles we are reading and I think the topics we are discussing in class are really interesting especially with different students looking at them from different angles. I love hanging out with the kids in my class (3 from Yale, 1 from UV, 5 from Harvard) and I absolutely adore all my teachers!

HBA at first glance

So I finally got internet connection in my room on my fourth day at HBA - yay!!!!!! This is going to be quite a long post since I have so much, oh so much to update! Starting with my time in Nanjing all the way to my time here in Beijing.

Nanjing

I stayed in Nanjing for around two weeks after leaving Shanghai and its wonderful shopping centers. Nanjing is where I grew up so I was really, really, super, super excited to see my grandparents again, my old elementary school, my childhood playmates, and little shops where I used buy useless things like stickers (but I still like them!). It was such a weird feeling going back to a place where I had spent half of my life but have not seen for almost nine years. I was quite disappointed when I was in the taxi on the way home (or my grandparents' house, which used to be my home....) and I could not recognize most of the places. Everything changed so much! I remember there used to be this gigantic slope that was the main road, which now is leveled because of subway construction. My grandparents' house still look the same, except for everything is so small! I feel like I was Alice in Wonderland, when she entered that little room in the beginning of the book and found herself getting bigger and bigger as she ate the mushroom, because that table I could not reach before is now the height of my stomach and I have to bent down to use things like the sink. My grandparents are still the same but a lot shorter. It made me really sad to see them so feeble when I remember I used to cling to them for care and guidance. My grandpa still remembers that I love shrimps and fish soup. And my grandma is still loud and bubbly! Our house is in a little gated community with its schools, research centers, and gardens, and such. So one day I walked around the community while listening to John Mayer, and it was so interesting seeing my old school, the places where I used to play, the trial I walked from and to school, and of course, this small tunnel tube that I rode my bike on to get across the lake (yes, we actually do have a lake in our community). It made me really happy to remember that my childhood was so wonderful and fun and rural and just amazing. Then I saw my four of my closest elementary school friends, and it just absolutely touched my heart that they all still remember me and the things we used to do (like chase each other around the schoolyard) and the games we used to play. They are all in college now, and when I was with them, it just felt so comfortable because they really have not changed at all. I had a terrific time hanging out with them! Unfortunately, my wonderful time in Nanjing had to end, and my mom and I went to Wuxi.

Wuxi

We were supposed to travel for a couple of days in Wuxi but they had a water shortage as a result of lake contamination, so we stayed for one night, and went to Beijing.

Beijing

Beijing is just lovely, not as lovely as Nanjing, but pretty good for the summer! I visited Summer Palace, The Great Wall, Tian An Men Square, and many other tourist places. I ate Beijing roasted ducks and drank bubble tea. I spent a week in Beijing, touring, eating, and shopping before HBA started.